Deluxe Super Swag Summer Playlist 2011 - Now 50% More Free!

With Baby Spring making a mess of the state last week, as well as making a strong argument that it may actually be the worst of the eight seasons, it has been difficult to not long for the first warm rays of Baby Summer and the long nights of Adult Summer. Especially when you look out the window to a sunny, clear day with no snow to be seen. The view is dripping with deceit though, as the appearance of a 70-degree day belies its true nature as a bitter, vindictive day of arctic temperatures. Those are the days you don’t leave your house, but enjoy the sunlight streaming through your windows to a chorus of haloed angels, and convince yourself it is far too hot to venture outside. At least that’s what I do. In basketball shorts too, that part is important.

Something else I do to occupy myself until the world is once again hospitable is make a summer playlist. The idea of a seasonal mix can be a little kitschy depending on how it's done, but I don’t search for every song I can find with “summer” in the title and I definitely don’t include “artists” like Sublime, Jack Johnson, Sheryl Crow or jam bands because they’re the worst. Yeeeeuuuchhhhk. Instead, the one I made is Deluxe and playing at my house (MY HOUSE).

As some of you may know, I take making mixes/playlists pretty seriously. Seriously. For years, I’ve made ones for summer, fall and winter. Spring gets the shaft in the music department as far as I’m concerned, so no tunes for them. Maybe don’t be so crappy, how ‘bout it? Anyway, I created a few rules for myself, so please allow me to show you the ropes kid, (SHOW YOU THAAA ROPES): No artist could be featured on a single playlist more than once, and once a song had been used, it could not be used on any future playlists. Songs had to be placed in an order to create appropriate flow and feeling, since you should generally try to listen to them in order they are placed. They also needed to fit on a CD to share with other Deluxe people, so they were limited to 20 average sized songs, or 18 or 19 if you included “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which you probably shouldn’t have done to begin with.

This actually became quite a challenge after collecting a few years’ worth of mixes, though the hope would be that each successive year would produce a crop of songs good enough to add to a new one. However, tragedy struck when I upgraded my OS, and the single thing I forgot to back-up before the hard drive wipe was my playlist collection. This was a great sadness, as each playlist represented a period in my life, and it was always fun to return to them with the occasional play. No Fall or Winter 2010 Mix was created to allow for the grieving process.

So, as the sun grows warmer and the days stretch longer, I realize it's time to move on and make the soundtrack to yet another summer. More than anything though, it’s something to do to help me ignore the fact that Baby Spring is a total jerk. Without the old lists though, I realized I couldn’t follow my rules fully - heaven forbid I use a song from 2007! I decided that I would continue on in good faith, attempting to use all new tracks, but not worrying if I repeated a song by accident. I use my iPod almost exclusively these days so the 20-song limit had five minutes to get in its Bronco and the rickey road. However, every song is still placed where it is for a reason, because creating flow intentionally is, and always will be, the most important part of a seasonal playlist. I also didn’t duplicate artists, though I took the liberty of allowing an artist to be featured in one song by another artist, while still keeping eligibility for their own song. So that’s about it for rules: try not to duplicate old songs but whatever, as many songs as you want but place them in order intentionally, and no double artists. Got it? Good. Great Job! So after much ado, to the tunes!

Deluxe Super Swag Summer Playlist  2011, Now 50% More Free!

#1 - “Take Me Over” – Cut Copy

Ah, the ever important first track. Bookends to your playlist are immensely important, and giving yourself a satisfying beginning and end can be the most difficult part of putting together a successful mix. However, I feel this gem from Cut Copy’s new album, Zonoscope, does everything an opening song should, and more. It sets a light, fun, exciting mood, eases you in to it the song, and possibly best of all, the build up to the song serves equally well as a buildup to the whole mix. The song is accessible, and the minute I heard it last fall, I knew it was going to be sitting atop my summer sounds.

Listen:  "Take Me Over"

#2 – “Brothersport” – Animal Collective

Proclaimed almost universally as 2009's best album, Animal Collective’s Merriweather Post Pavilion is full of upbeat songs that scream summer, especially “Summertime Clothes,” which was on everyone’s summer mixes that year. It was on mine as well, explaining why it isn’t on this one. In its place is the equally impressive “Brothersport.” I agonized for days (not really), deciding if I should make it, and not “Take Me Over,” the headliner of my summer mix. I ultimately positioned it as the second track as a testament to its semi-movements that serve as a good transition piece to other songs. This is a song you can listen to while not paying any attention to the lyrics, and still like it. Or you can listen to the lyrics intently and like it. Or you can just like it. Any of the three work.

Listen: "Brothersport"

  

#3 – “Electric Feel” – MGMT

Yes, I realize what a  cliché this song is by now, but I don’t care. I put this as the first track on last summer’s mix, but I never got around to finishing it, so it has been grandfathered into this one. The song sounds like thick summer heat until the chorus hits you with a splash of water. And the notion of a summer like the lyrics “Saw her in the Amazon/With the voltage running through her skin,” is pretty much the only thing that gets guys through the dark days of winter. Simply put, enjoy it for what it is; a fantastic summer jam.

Listen: "Electric Feel" 

#4 – “Blessa” – Toro Y Moi

The chillwave master makes this list easily, or rather after a fight, considering picking just one of his songs was a fairly difficult task. Nearly making the cut was “New Beat” off his new album Underneath The Pine, but the fluid effortlessness of “Blessa” was too perfect to exclude.

Listen: "Blessa"

  

#5 – “Come Wander” – Delorean

If you didn’t know better, you’d say I doubled up on the Animal Collective, but nay, I have not. Delorean have a similar, but more modest, almost simpler sound.  Pitchfork stated in their album review of Subiza, “Delorean helped define the bright, beachside vibe of last summer's indie landscape,” referring to their previous work. “Come Wander’s” Subiza does the same with uninhibited, eclectic songs that don’t ask you to listen but get you to anyway, and “Come Wander” is the most appropriate of the bunch. Near miss: “Simple Graces”

Listen: "Come Wander"

#6 – “Ladyflash” – The Go! Team

The Go! Team is all about making golden-era sampled sonic starbursts, and you deserve another six months of Adult Winter if these guys don’t make your mind smile, if not your face. While this isn’t my favorite track of theirs (“Get It Together” is but that is forever a spring song to me), never underestimate a good dose of hand-claps and microphone rocking. After all, that’s why they came. To rock said microphone.

Listen: "Ladyflash"

#7 – “Wonderlust King” – Gogol Bordello

Summer is the time of the massive music festival, and Gogol Bordello is renowned for providing one of the best live performances one could hope to see. “Wonderlust King” is one of their most accessible tracks, which may be of benefit should you play your mix around an audience, and it's also one of the most entertaining with an explosive buildup. Skip forward to around the 1:45 mark and Eugene Hutz himself will tell you why you should put this song in your mix too - “WHYYYYNOTTTT!”

Listen: "Wonderlust King"

#8 – The Crystal Cat – Dan Deacon

Keeping with the summer festival theme, we have the immortal Dan Deacon, and his track “The Crystal Cat,” which manages to be simultaneously energizing and enervating. The song builds with a fast-paced beat-and-buzz for nearly a minute and a half before Deacon sings a word. In this time, he transforms you from passive listener into a boiling cauldron of effervescence. When the lyrics and finally the chorus kick in, you feel like you’re going a million miles an hour even if you’re splayed across your IKEA papasan. When it all ends, you’ll crumple like a kid at the end of a roller coaster, gathering himself to go for another ride. Listen to this song LOUDLY. Deacon’s live sets are also unparalleled, as a few great friends of mine can attest to, and the further out of your mind you are, the better it all sounds apparently.

Listen: "The Crystal Cat" (Meow Meow)

#9 – “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House” – LCD Soundsystem

You remember how I said ordering the songs and creating a flow was incredibly important? Well lookie what I just did - a nice Bordello/Go! Team/Deacon/LCD 4-pak concert in my mind's fairgrounds. Imagine if that was an actual show this summer… mmm ... (three hours later)… “Daft Punk” is pure fanciness from a top-flight performer and about the best party of all time - who can’t get down to that? James Murphy even has the fridge stocked with 15 cases for us all, and cleared a dance floor, putting all the furniture in the garage(-zuhhh).

Sidenote: That’s 450 PBRs or Goldentops if he threw the kind of party we’d expect, or 360 Coors/Millers/Buds if he’s trying to be EXTRA fancy for the ladies. But he isn’t and we both know that.

Listen: "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House"

#10 – “Carry On Up The Morning” – Babyshambles

The UK has summer too, you know. Basically, I really like this song right now, so it’s on the mix. Ta-da!

Listen: "Carry On Up The Morning"

#11 – “Someday” – The Strokes

This song was on the soundtrack of MLB 2k8, aka the 2k baseball game before they ruined it, and my buddy Ryan and I spent countless hours playing it during a spring semester long ago, ignoring the world and all of its responsibilities. We decided early on, we’d turn off all the other gametrack songs so this was the only one that ever played. Genius. Pretty quickly, the song became synonymous with the digital green grass, blue skies, bat cracks and mitt pops of America’s Pastime, which is in turn, synonymous with summer. Playing for 13 straight hours in one day will get you to that point pretty quickly. Oh, college.

Listen: "Someday"

  

#12 – “How To Hang A Warhol” – Little Joy

Hmmm, what would make sense to follow The Strokes? How about a strumming and bouncy track from one of their own, Fabrizio Moretti? Yup. This quasi-super group oozes summer-vibes from their Brazillian-influenced music that sounds like it would fit in during the 50s just as well as today. “How To Hang A Warhol” finds the guys envisioning big dreams, without the distraction of time or direction, a way of thinking that's nice to return to occasionally. Additionally, when my buddy Pepe told me he was leaving to teach in Uruguay (check out his blog: http://pbrpicante.blogspot.com), I put together a list of songs for him with the stipulation that they be “good, mellow beach style music.” Out of all the stuff I gave him, Little Joy was his favorite. And considering it’s good enough for him in the tropical paradise of Punta del Este right now, it should be good enough up here too.

Listen: "How To Hang A Warhol"

#13 – “Swim” – Surfer Blood

Had I made a summer mix last year, this would have been one of the headliners, as Surfer Blood had just recently emerged from obscurity, by virtue of this very song in 2009. Full of reverb and effects, “Swim” sounds like the musical equivalent to dropping a rock in a pond and watching the ripples. Near miss: “Floating Vibes”

Listen: "Swim"

#14 – “Finger On The Knife” – James Pants

There isn’t much explanation to this song aside from that I like its meandering sound. I heard of the guy on a music site I’ve really come to enjoy (www.righthearmedia.com), and that’s about it.

Listen: "Finger On The Knife"

#15 – “Bend In The Water” – Gordon Lightfoot

It isn’t summer without some Gord, but some of his more obvious choices for a summer mix I've included on previous mixes (ie: Summertime Dream). However, “Bend In The Water” holds its own as a sunshine-y song about wasting away a summer day by the water, and really, who could ask for more? Well if you answered that question, “I CAN, JERK,” here’s a little extra zazz for you, despite your poor manners. Gord loves the ladies, and while his lyrics may seem innocuous, take the tune out and put them on paper and “It’s a fine July and beautiful way/ For a girl and boy to pass the time of day” and “Come on Pearl, I’m rough and ready” sound less than innocent.

Trivia: Gordon Lightfoot had an affair with Cathy Smith, and one of his biggest hits, “Sundown,” was written with her in mind. And as you may or may not know, Smith was the woman who injected Jim Belushi with his fatal speedball. Yikes.

Listen: Find it yourself, I couldn't. I also didn't try very hard.

#16 – “Roundabout” – Yes

More than eight and a half minutes long, funky bass, movements galore and borderline nonsensical lyrics. Yes is the best. Oh, and ROCK ORGAN. I love Yes.

Listen: "Roundabout"

  

#17 – “L.A. Woman” – The Doors

In sports, there are players who are called “specialists” because they don’t have the all around skill sets of their peers, but possess one special talent that surpasses nearly everyone else on the field of play. Examples of this are the .079 hitter who will always pick up the extra base when pinch running, or the whole career of Brian Scalabrine. This song is the musical equivalent. Going on a summer road trip? “L.A. Woman" is your tune. Let the Lizard King get you there in style.

Listen: "L.A. Woman"

#18 – “Loose” – Iggy & The Stooges

Some hot, sticky grit from Jimmy Osterberg. With or without peanut butter and eyebrows, depending on the day. If you're really lucky you'll get glittery gloves and a broccoli necklace.  “Loose” is a not-so-tongue-in-cheek song, concocted with dallops of wailing, a dash of grunting and a pinch of sneers. Being foul and vulgar for the sake of being foul and vulgar it is a cornerstone of most summer nights spent with friends, and few can score it better than Iggy.

Sidenote: In his early days as a musician, Iggy performed with one of his first bands for a summer in a Harbor Springs youth hangout that no longer exists. Even more reason to add him to the mix.

Listen: "Loose"

#19 – “Oh! Sweet Nothin’” – Velvet Underground

I’m not really sure what this song is actually about, though I could “inject” a few safe guesses. (I’m looking at you, Lou Reed.) The reason this song is on here is the pace and mood. Slow and chugging through the rhythm with cloudy lyrics, it feels like waking up from an afternoon nap with a red face and hot ears. While you want to try and pack as much into summer as possible, sometimes you need to take a step back and relax, and that’s what this track does.

Listen: "Oh! Sweet Nothin'"

  

#20 – “Woe Is Me” – The Walkmen

Continuing with the momentary slowdown is The Walkmen’s “Woe Is Me,” off their newest album, 2011’s Lisbon. Summer is a time of heightened activity for relationships, with many young people ending or pausing them as they leave school and return home, or starting a new summer fling and having to end it when their paths diverge in September, as they tend to do. This song makes the cut over the millions of other wistful songs for a couple reasons. It still maintains a feel of optimism in its reminiscing, one that works well with the windows open, going 65. Another is the lyrics, which are simple but poignant. Really, who doesn’t hear “There’s a girl that you should know/She was my not-so-long-ago,” and not relate in some way? Summer is too short for moping though, so at some point you have to snap back to reality with some…

Listen: "Woe Is Me"

  

#21 – “I Am The Bullgod” – Kid Rock

BUTTROCK. DUDE, HE’S FROM DETROIT, HE REPRESENTS US. DUDE, HE’S HIP-HOP AND COUNTRY. DUDE, HE’S GOT HIS OWN BEER AND LIQUOR. DUDE, HE DATED PAM ANDERSON. DUDE, HE’S AN AMERICAN BADASS. DUDE, HE ROCKS SO HARD, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. DUDE. DUDE. DUDE.

Kid Rock sucks and so does this song, but it’s so miraculously bad, it becomes invigorating in its failed attempt at posturing beyond all sensibility. If Iggy Pop is the Godfather of Punk, Kid Rock is all 53 members of the Royal Family of Buttrock.

Listen: #likeabullgod

#22 – “Sweet Talk” – Spank Rock

Now that we’re back on track for a good time, I present Spank Rock. Heavy bass, quick pace and no taste; the formula for a great summer party song. These guys make edgy, intense and wonderfully lewd music with a wink and a smile. A hot and humid college house party packed to the doors is the natural habitat of their album YoYoYoYoYoYo, which is also one of the best album titles ever. Equal parts eloquent and obnoxious, “Sweet Talk” bounces back and forth between vulgar proclamations and verbal high-fives with the boys. Rapper Naeem Juwan doesn’t go more than a few seconds without saying something crass, and that’s totally awesome. And he has a goat on a string.

Listen: "Sweet Talk" (WITH GOATS ON STRINGS)

#23 – “Jellyfish” – Ghostface Killah

Tony Starks brings some strong summer heat, with “Jellyfish,” off of 2006’s fantastic Fishscale. The Doom produced track has a steamy lo-fi sample blaring behind the lines, and sounds completely unlike anything else, but feels at home on a hot summer day in the city. Plus, it has Ghostdini crooning to the pinnacle of his questionable vocal talents, and his music oozes a NYC in the summer kind of vibe.

Listen: "Jellyfish"

  

#24 – “Gravel Pit” – Wu-Tang Clan

Just watch the linked video.

Listen: TWO THOUSAND B.C.?!!?

#25 – “Homecoming” – Kanye West

As you’ve probably noticed by now, the home stretch of this summer playlist has hit the hip-hop. This Kanye classic covers fireworks over Lake Michigan, heartbreak and the triumph of success. It just feels like it makes sense for no one particular reason, around a campfire, with the sun still setting at 10:30. Just go with it man, just go with it.

Listen: "Homecoming"

#26 – “I Still Wana” – Pusha T

Yeeeuuuchhhhkkk. Newly posted on the block is Pusha T’s new mixtape, Fear Of God, and Pusha picks up where Clipse’s last album, ‘Til The Casket Drops, left off, with lyrical intricacies and icy beats. It makes for great music to blast with the windows down, and the volume up. Featuring THE BOSS, Mr. Rick Ross, “I Still Wana” (sic) portrays a sinister indifference that’s stirring to hear, and the more material Pusha produces, the more it makes sense to view his work as genuine hip-hop gospel. The younger Thornton brother, and one half of Clipse, demands your attention on every one of his verses, and this song is the top proclamation from Fear Of God – WHICH IS ALSO FREE. So cop it, and Ride Around Shinin’.

FREE Album Download: Got It For Cheap

#27 – “Free Mason” – Rick Ross

Ricky Rozay gets his own entry for this triumphant track off Teflon Don. Again, this song makes the summer playlist for its knockaround quality when riding down the road. Ross has his own sort of braggadocio lyrical style, which makes his more creative asides particularly amusing, like his coarse verse, “My top back like JFK/They wanna push my top back like JFK.” Granted, rhyming the same word twice is kind of lazy, but thinking is for sissies, right? Riding with the roof down to a President without a head in 12 words? LIKE A BOSS. Hova’s verses are forgettable, as they usually are on tracks other than his own, but the booming chorus and brazen beat makes it all pretty fun.

Listen: "Free Mason"

#28 – “Shine Blockas” – Big Boi

The best of the speaker rattlers on my playlist is Big Boi’s “Shine Blockas.” Summer is for stuntin’ so I don’t want to hear you frontin’. Nothing like talking about how cool and important you are. An added bonus is that Gucci Mane always sounds like he accidentally swallowed a bee and it stung him on the way down. But it’s okay because he has an ice cream cone covering half his face.

Listen: "Shine Blockas"

  

#29 – “Man On The Moon (The Anthem)” – Kid Cudi

Two songs left to close the book on the summer playlist, so I present one of my favorite mixtape artists in Cudders, who puts out stuff for free that’s just as good, if not better, than the stuff you “pay” pay for. I hear this song and think of a starry, clear summer night. It’s reflective, calm and contemplative while being pretty minimal. The ever-rare guitar in a good rap song and the chimes make for a reaxing downswing, and gives you a little time for yourself, as the night or summer itself winds down.

Listen: "Man On The Moon (The Anthem)"

  

#30 – “Night Moves” – Bob Seger

There is too much to say about what may or may not be my favorite song of all time, so I won’t say much at all. This is the perfect summer song and the perfect way to end the collection of songs for the season, and that’s all there is to it. The music video is absolutely horrifying though, and I think Matt LeBlanc is in it. It is really, REALLY bad. But don’t let that take away from the song, because it’s great.

Listen, and enjoy. Watch, and be terrified: "Night Moves"

Managing Your Madness

Today is the Monday after Selection Sunday, which also means today is the single most unproductive day of the year in offices across the country. Printers are running out of toner trying to keep up with the mass queues of brackets coming hot off the server, browsers are being x-ed out or hastily minimized as supervisors walk by, and all anyone can think about is how to beat that mutant Rob in accounting, who got the Final Four right the past three years. Rob is so annoying.

This day and the next few are filled with anxiety, as people wear through paper, erasing and updating the notorious 8/9 match up, and daring themselves to pick the first 1/16 upset ever. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Generally, yes…but still, don’t ever pick 16 over 1. Ever.

So, as the clock ticks and the Thursday deadline for most brackets approaches, you’re still deciding exactly how you want to mold your own Madness. Not sure how you want to fill it all out? Well, I’ve put together a few potential options to help guide you in the right direction.

I decided to take a look at the different bracket-filling techniques and rank them on merit. To keep it simple, I’ll be judging each on three basic principles on a scale of 1-10. The judgment areas are as follows; Fun Factor, Effectiveness and Honor.

So put down the pencil, close the browser, take a long lunch and when you’re done, hopefully you will have achieved some sort of bracket clarity.

(Sidenote: If you plan on picking Michigan to win any games, stop reading now. I’m not a miracle worker, and even if I was, I wouldn’t help you anyway.)

The Analytical Approach – This technique is the most common, mainly because the people most excited about the tournament are the ones who have been watching games all year, and have some sort of working knowledge about a decent chunk of the teams. Another reason this approach is so common is because anyone who watches sports absolutely KNOWS, 100%, front and back, every team, player, coach and style, so they’re perfectly qualified to make these life or death decisions. What does Roy Williams know anyway? More like Hall of Lame. YOU finished second in a 16-team fantasy basketball league in ’07. Like a BOSS. When using the analytical approach, usually just a single bracket is filled out, no matter how many different groups you’re in. But you know what you’re talking about, and couldn’t be wrong, so there’s no point in making out an alternate one. Alternate brackets are for jerks, right? Right.

Anyway, when it comes to the Fun Factor in the Analytical Approach, there are two sides to the story. Truly knowing what you’re talking about, things like team tendencies, injury issues and match up problems can make for an incredibly rewarding tournament if you make the correct picks. Nothing like telling all your friends how right your logic and attention to detail was, and how wrong they were. However, nothing can ruin your March like a logic-based bracket, shattered by the human elements of effort, desire and the It-Factor. Sometimes NBA Jam is more realistic than you'd think (HE'S ON FIRE!). So for that reason, The Analytical Approach will get a split Fun Factor Score of either 2 or 9/10. Risk versus reward, baby!

Effectiveness of the Analytical Approach is hotly debated, for some of the reasons I just listed. Mainly it comes down to the struggle between measurable metrics and the human element, which will forever be argued. Some years, this approach can make you King Of All That Is Right In The World, and others, it will turn you into a melted pile of awful in the corner who only got three of his or her opening round picks right. For that reason, this is a wash, so it gets a 5/10.

In terms of Honor, the Analytical Approach is hard to refute. Steadfast belief in your method is hard to deny. However, being a total jerk about it, especially when you aren’t as smart as you think, brings what could be a perfect score down to an 8/10. Pride comes before the fall, right Coach?

Final Score: 15/30 OR 22/30.

The Shotgun Approach – I’m not going to mince words, this is by far the lowest form of bracketology. These are the people who fill out 52 brackets, covering every random, bizarre, shot in the dark pick out there, just so by the time the tournament ends they (hopefully) have one that holds up reasonably well. These people then go on and on for a week afterwards, proclaiming what a genius they are for triumphing in the face of all adversity. When their fed-up friends and co-workers point out that it took them 52 attempts to get it marginally right, their shocked retort is something along the lines of, “What, you mean you only filled out one? No wonder you did so poorly, that's your own fault!” Please don’t be like this.

Since this little guide is tailored to the person filling out the bracket, I have to admit the Fun Factor is going to be off the charts for the Shotgun Approach. If it included everyone, it would be well into the negatives since everyone hates you by April, but that isn’t the point here. Filling out a bunch of brackets is fun, keeping up on the scores is fun, and potentially doing well is fun. I’ve got to give the Shotgun Approach’s Fun Factor a 10/10. And it pains me to do so.

Thankfully, Effectiveness will punish those who follow the Shotgun Approach. The more attempts you fail at, the lower your winning percentage. And if you do happen to be correct on a bracket, the preceding and following ones will be completely different to give yourself a better chance if the one that DOES end up being correct, isn’t. So whether you strike it on the head in the first bracket you filled in or the 900th, there will be plenty of other bad brackets in your file that scream out that you’re a loser. Plus, I don’t want anyone to think this technique will work. 1/10.

And as for the Honor in the Shotgun Approach, I counter, “What honor?” No Points for you. Goose egg. And you can take THAT to the Final Four.  0/10.

Final Score: 11/30

The Die-Hard Approach – This is the technique for those who cannot fathom an idea other than picking their team to go all the way, because it is obviously their destiny. Who could be so obtuse as to not recognize that your team is bound for greatness? What gall it takes to even consider picking another team. Your team is all about WINNING. DUH. This person has one branch of their bracket filled out since November, and the only purpose of the months between the start and end of the season is to dictate which teams will lose to their pick. There are two ways to look at this approach. One is that having such unflappable, blind faith in one’s favorite team is respectable because they’re truly invested in the process and willing to deal with constant heartbreak should their team not triumph every year (not that they’ll ever admit it’s possible). It also can be incredibly stupid and annoying, especially if their favorite team perennially sucks and if their favorite team is one you hate. They only fill out one bracket though which is respectable, because none of the other games matter, as long as they result in their team singing along with One Shining Moment (which was written in East Lansing, according to Mark Hollis. Holla!).

The Fun Factor for the Die-Hard Approach is unmatched because the joy the people using this approach get from writing their team’s name in as champion and then working backwards is unmatched. Love living in your house full of fluffy towels, puppies, waterfalls and fire poles? You don’t have anything on the people who use the Die-Hard Approach. And you had better watch out if they’re actually close to being right or actually are right, because they’ll explode and rain down million-dollar bills, candy bars and baby sasquatch everywhere. And have you ever SEEN a baby sasquatch? When they lose, they’re momentarily crushed, but their eternally optimistic drive just focuses attention on next year, when their team will redeem themselves. They’re kind of like Cubs fans, except rational, and sometimes they actually win. 10/10.

Effectiveness Factor usually depends on whether the person is fanatical about a good team or a bad team. Usually the most nutzo, obsessed fans are involved in rooting for programs that have a legitimate shot though, because they’re more easily followed and have a reasonable shot of proving them right. To pick a team that has literally no shot every year would turn this process into torture, so more often than not their teams are generally competitive. But while their teams usually have a shot at the very least, the chances are still very small for one school out of hundreds to pull it out, no matter how good. But hey, they deserve something for their effort. 4/10.

There is something to be said about the irrepressible exuberance someone has in supporting their team to such a degree that they can’t even process the thought of another team winning. There is also something to be said for general reasoning and logic though, which they clearly lack. However, always err on the side of passion, because someone will usually believe you. They get a 7/10 for Honor.

Final Score: 21/30

The Arbitrary/Girlfriend(AG) Approach  – I would first like to clear myself of any animosity and acknowledge there are many women who are massive fans and know far more than men. And there are also plenty of guys who know nothing and don’t care about basketball. But on the flipside, there are still fewer female fans than male in general. But the ones who do get involved and don’t follow the sport or are interested but uninformed form rather interesting techniques to make their picks. And more often than not, they’re surprisingly correct.

I am choosing to exclude the technique where a person makes picks based exclusively on who their partner tells them is cool, good or crappy, because that’s just a branch off the Analytical Approach. The AG Approach is the one where someone makes their picks on points of interest miles removed from the sport and any performance based metrics. Things such as uniforms, haircuts, towns, or where their friend’s nephew goes to school. Flipping coins, rolling dice or having an animal eat a treat to dictate which team will win is what I’m talking about. We hear stories every year about the grandparent who won the family tournament by picking games based on temperatures of school locations or had a friend whose girlfriend beat them handily by picking her preferred mascot (Richmond never gets far in this technique).  There is no reason for any of these decisions, and somehow, they seem to work over every other sort of logic, and they're wildly entertaining to watch unfold. That’s why it’s called March Madness, I suppose.

The Fun Factor for the AG approach is high, mainly because people using this technique have nothing to lose if they do poorly and get massive bragging rights if they do well using some Byzantine guessing system. The method of selection can be anything you want, lifting the enjoyment factor even higher. Besides, who wouldn’t want to say they were right because they picked against Tennessee or Wisconsin because they hate high-top fades? 10/10.

Since there is absolutely no proven method to picking teams, nobody can say your way of doing it is wrong, so there is no quantitative way to prove or disprove this method’s Effectiveness. However, as evidenced by the stories of weird and successful ways of picking seen every year, it seems the more ridiculous method, the more successful. Why use logic when you can use darts, candy and magnets? They get a 7/10 for Effectiveness because WHYNOT.

The Honor Factor is hard to break down here, because on one hand, there is no sneaky thought process, no picking against alma maters and no misinterpretation of statistics, because these people don’t care how their bracket turns out. On the other hand, these people don’t care how their bracket turns out. 5/10.

Final Score: 22/30

So there it is, your potential techniques for filling out your 2011 NCAA Tournament brackets, with the final standings:

#1 - The Analytical Approach (When it works) – 22/30

#1 - The Arbitrary/Girlfriend Approach – 22/30

#3 - The Die-Hard Approach – 21/30

#4 - The Analytical Approach (When it fails) -15/30

#5 - The Shotgun Approach – 11/30

So go forth, brave bracketeers, and fill out your sheets proudly, passionately and carefully. Or maybe sheepishly, indifferently and uncertainly. But whatever you do, don’t fill out 52 of them, because that makes you a jerk and nobody likes jerks and their teams lose every time.

The Most Pleasin' Season

Now that February has become March, the stretch run of winter is here and none too soon. This is something we must continue to tell ourselves everyday, since the weather remains as cold, gray, icy and unpleasant as last month. And for those on you on Spring Break in some 78-degree paradise, enjoy it, because the next few weeks upon your return will be far more miserable to you than those of us who never left our icebox existences.

This upcoming shift of seasons has gotten me thinking. Especially the idea people in areas like Michigan have, the one that screams, “Whatever, people in gorgeous year-round weather, we have FOUR seasons so take THAT!” in the face of anyone who actually manages to enjoy life November through April. Because admit it, four seasons sounds nice, but the reality is it’s only nice to have the four seasons for a week apiece and then pleasant weather for the other 48.

Seasons, in regions like this, are entirely too long to be considered a “single” season. Don’t try to tell me December winter is the same as March winter, and June summer is nothing like August summer. This is why I feel there should be EIGHT seasons, not four. Each of the current seasons should be halved and given their own designations. I shall call the first half of a season “Baby season.” The second will be “Adult season.” Each will become their own independently judged season, and this is how things should be.

So, going forth with that notion, here is my list of the eight (ocho!) seasons, in order from worst to first. I calls ‘em how I sees ‘em.

8. “Adult Winter” – Ugh, what can be worse than the second part of winter? You’ve endured a couple months already of having all the joy in life slowly sapped from you by cold weather and shorter days. Traveling is a constant gamble, the lack of sunlight is getting depressing and most likely you’ve caught a cold or two. Well, at least it’s all behind you now, right? FALSE. Get ready to do it all over again once mid-January hits, as it’ll surely get colder, the snow goes from pretty to vile or decides to become ice if you’re really lucky. You’ve been without baseball for more than three months, college football bowls have just concluded, leaving you in withdrawals and the Super Bowl was the letdown it usually is. At least your college basketball team is doing well… oh wait. No they aren’t. They’re awful and don’t talk to me about it. Adult Winter takes everything bad about Baby Winter, doubles it and then drags it out. Nobody is ever sad to see it go.

7. “Baby Spring” – You may be thinking, “What?! How is the beginning of spring this low? Winter is over!!!” Well hold your horses, and let me explain. Baby Spring is perennially connected at the hip to Adult Winter, which is dead weight. Don’t get Baby Spring confused with Adult Spring. Baby Spring is like being forced to clean up the disgusting house party your roommate threw the night before without talking to you. And doing it for a month. By yourself. The temperature has finally jumped above freezing, which is a victory, but a small one. With that jump comes dirty snow melting, leaving piles of rubble and churned up dirt clods that have collected over the last five months. The mud and semi frozen slop is disgusting, as is the periodic dip back below freezing that brings sleet, hail and ice, reminding you, “HEY. IT’S STILL COLD AND AWFUL.” Baby Spring also has the tasteless habit of unearthing the thousands of woodland creatures that met their ends on the grill of a Ford in late November. Those snow coffins don’t last forever, so Baby Spring is pretty grisly on top of it all. Nothing like miles of ribcage and empty eye sockets along the side of the road to make you take a deep breath and proclaim, “Spring is here!”

6. “Baby Winter” – This one is pretty obvious. It’s only slightly less obnoxious than Adult Winter, but what it lacks in tenacity, it makes up for in the foreboding terror it instills. After the initial joy of the beautiful first snowfalls, the thought of five months of misery erases those positive thoughts pretty quickly. That is Baby Winter’s only real negative difference from Adult Winter, but it’s a huge one. Nothing like long-term anxiety. On the other side though, there are a few positives. Christmas is usually a good thing, as is the end of the year, offering a chance to start anew. And like I already mentioned, the first couple snowfalls are pretty to some (crazy) people. All in all though, Baby Winter likes to remind you it has a lot of growing up to do.

5. “Adult Autumn” – This was a tough choice, between Baby Winter and Adult Autumn but Autumn gets the benefit of being slightly better due to travel considerations. Nobody ever said “Oh, I can’t make it, it’s too cold and kind of windy.” Everybody has said “Oh, I can’t make it, it’s too icy and I can’t see more than a foot in front of my car.” Adult Autumn has the ability to be shockingly ugly too, depending on how quickly the trees shed their leaves. Nothing says uninhabitable wasteland like barren trees, brown grass, gray skies and a cold, damp malaise floating under, over, and through you. Massive storms routinely knock out power, but at the same time, can be pretty cool. The crisp weather may actually be a welcome break if summer's heat was particularly brutal, but you’ll soon regret thinking such silly things. The late-season farm products like apples, cider and donuts are about to trail off, but they’re still there for a bit, and the last sunny, warm-ish day of the year is like a good friend saying his or her goodbyes before taking off for a few months, which is rather bittersweet. And that word is really what encapsulates Adult Autumn. It is equal parts remnants of good and harbingers of bad. Bittersweet indeed.

4 “Adult Spring” – Ah, the halfway point where the good finally has outweighed the bad. Adult Spring still has some issues, what with the rain, mud and allergies, but compared to what you just escaped, they’re welcome obstacles. The weather is consistently warm, usually in the 50s, which feels like 80 after Adult Winter threatened to freeze the limbs off your body on a daily basis. The first open-window-driving day of the year is a revelation hard to express in words. Adult Spring also has a smell that we all know, but cannot describe, despite it being one of the best things in the world. Flowers and trees are blooming, people are awaking out of their winter hibernation stupor like puppies learning to blink and the snow is finally gone, except for the grocery store parking lot mountains but they don’t count anyway. Spring training is fully underway with Opening Day moments away, the NBA and NHL are fighting for playoff seeding, and March Madness has concluded but left you in a state of competitive euphoria. Lastly, some things can be done outside, maybe even in shorts. Shorts!? YES SHORTS!

3. “Baby Summer” – Another difficult decision at the 2/3 spot, but Baby Summer gets knocked down a notch, only because its qualities have not quite matured to their enjoyable peaks. This season is pretty obvious though. Summer is here, bringing greatness with it. Cookouts, boating, friends, parties, bonfires, concerts and the vastly underrated pastime of porch sitting. (If you don’t have a porch, I’m so sorry.) The one thing that holds Baby Summer back to the three spot is the weather. Yes, I know it’s beautiful and warm and perfect, but you still don’t want to go jump in a 45 degree lake, do you? I didn’t think so, (Warning: Titanic reference) Jack Dawson. The water is still off limits in most Northern locales unless you’re in a boat, and the occasional late frost and crisp mornings make you pack two sets of clothing to take care of the huge temperature swings. Ultimately, the excitement of Baby Summer outweighs the reality. All that it promises is wonderful, but they are mostly things it can’t deliver upon until it’s older.

2. “Adult Summer” – Get the door, Adult Summer is here. Everything great about Baby Summer is here and amplified. Better weather, more outdoor activities, more parties, friends, cookouts, ballgames, DAYLIGHT, swimming, boating and any other outdoor activity you can think of. The thought of classes if you’re still attending school is miles away, and if you’re working, there isn’t another time of the year with more to do on the weekends or after work. Music sounds better, road trips are more fun, you can walk places (gasp!), the water is warm enough to enjoy and there’s never a shortage of things to do. Adult Summer’s only shortcoming is also one that has propelled it nearly to the top. It is number two by virtue of being connected to, but not actually being…

1. “Baby Autumn” – The pinnacle of the eight seasons. Every good thing from the other six (Yes, there are seven other seasons, but Adult Winter has no good things.) is included in Baby Autumn. Where do I begin? Wait, I know. College football. This alone could have brought Baby Autumn to the top with its tailgates, campuses, barbecues, pageantry and of course, the games themselves. Ah, but the list grows. Beautiful, comfortable weather gives you the opportunities to enjoy everything you did during Adult Summer, while not laying in bed sweating because it’s still 85 degrees at 2 am. And while the “Summer Mix” is a major part of American culture, I feel the music that pairs perfectly with Baby Autumn is even better. I mean, it even has its own genre: “Autumnal.” Pretty fantastic stuff. To greet the outgoing Adult Summer activities, Baby Fall presents its own unique activities, like pumpkin carving, hay rides, apples, cider, donuts, festivals and the sort. Outside activities in Baby Autumn seem so deeply connected to nature, and are appealing in a simple, days-gone-by sort of way. The leaves changing color are routinely breathtaking, especially when paired with warm sun and cool breezes. For younger students, returning to class may suck, but wait until you’re in college. You won’t be able to contain yourself (Hey there, Welcome Week.). It’s a reward worth waiting for. I really can’t find anything wrong with Baby Autumn. For those who claim, “Well, it’s no Adult Summer,” I acknowledge that. It’s better than Adult Summer. And the others who are concerned about the approach of Baby Winter, well that’s Adult Autumn’s problem to deal with. So enjoy it and live it up.